Bellingham Whitewater

Smokin’ the Competition…

Thursday evening, the ‘Bend. A group of seven hearty competitors clustered nervously in a small eddy above Entrance Drop. A thick, foreboding mist lay low over the surface of the river.

Or was it… cigar smoke?

You see, this was no normal Thursday evening paddle for the RPP crew. No, this particular evening marked the first annual Horseshoe Bend Cigar Race. The rules were simple: Run the Bend, keep your cigar lit. Whoever makes it the furthest with a lit stogie wins. Or, in the event that more than one boater manages to keep ‘er lit, the fastest paddler takes the prize.

Trying to paddle with a lit cigar in your mouth presents some unique challenges. Mainly, it encourages some rather unique lines down the river, which is pretty fun on a river that you paddle about a hundred times a year. On one rapid in particular, I went to great lengths to avoid dousing my cigar, but ended up almost running out of water in a side channel that looked good from the top. I ended up having to scoot over some slightly damp rocks while I watched two people pass me out in the main current, cigars high and dry. Beyond the difficulties involved with finding the good line, it’s pretty tough to avoid inhaling cigar smoke with a big stogie clamped in your teeth as you cruise downriver. A quick look behind me after the first rapid revealed some fairly nonstandard paddling technique from Jon, Hilary, and Amy, who were sitting as tall as possible in their boats, necks craned and heads turned to the side to protect their smokes.

Hale Hanaway, who was unable to paddle on race day, on a training lap in S.A.T. At least, this is what he would have looked like, had he actually trained. Not training is an admirable quality in cigar racing. Good work, Hale! Photo contributed by Chris Tretwold.

Before the race, there was much speculation about whether any of us would actually make it to the bottom of the first rapid with cigar still lit. I was pretty skeptical, but boy, was I wrong. I think that the moderately juicy flows helped us out (about 1,500 on the gage), because even though the waves kicked up a bit in the main flow for most drops, a lot of side lines opened up.

A random wave to the face ended my race a little ways above Bench, good enough for fourth place (I think). Coming into Bench, my sodden stogie still clamped between my teeth, I watched Chris disappear over the horizon line and then Randal, sailing off the center-line boof in a cloud of white smoke.

Below Bench, I ditched the tattered shreds of my cigar and paused in the eddy to make sure that everyone behind me came through ok. Chris and Randal continued downstream, and I couldn’t tell whether they still had their cigars or not. By the time I got to S.A.T., they had already dropped in. I followed, thinking that if anyone still had a lit cigar at this point, there was no way that it still would be by the time they reached the bottom of the big class IV+ rapid.

Wrong again.

Reaching the takeout a few rapids below S.A.T., I was shocked to see Mr. Chris Tretwold sitting on a rock next to his boat, puffing on his now-stubby cigar with a smug grin on his face. Chris had made it almost twice as far as everyone else; Randal’s cigar had gotten extinguished at Bench, good enough for second place.

Chris attributes his victory to two factors, the first being the small wood-tipped cigar that he chose, and the second being a willingness to keep that ember glowing at all costs. He said that he got briefly surfed in a couple of holes because he was trying so hard to keep his face from being splashed. I think that it was a freakin’ miracle.

In general, it’s probably best to keep cigar smoking and paddling as separate activities, but I had a blast and I’m looking forward to doing it again next year. Way to go, Chris!

Enjoying a good cigar while practicing the latest dry-land rodeo moves. Photo contributed by Chris Tretwold.